Wonderings from a Hippy Heart

A few weeks ago a classmate mentioned that I am approaching this blog like a hippy, that I am trying to find beauty in everything and just talk about it. He said it in a "no offence" sort of way but little did he know, even if offence was meant, I will take it as a compliment. You see, if having a "beauty is everywhere" sort of approach is my crime then I am okay with that. In fact, that is kind of who I aim to be. So welcome to the most hippyish post you will read on here. It may sound like I'm joking but this may get a little personal so if you are reading this today to get some inspiration for an elementary art project, look away, today all I have is wonderings from my hippy heart.

I started this practicum differently than most. I started by stopping. Not just practicum, but life. The morning of October 21st, just as I was about to get my kids off to their care facilities so that I could start my first day of practicum bright and early, my life came to a halt. You know those moments when you know something has happened but you think that there is no way it could be true without confirmation? It was one of those moments. About 5 minutes later, when I was doing a final mirror check on my way out the door, the phone rang and my fears were confirmed. My brother Joe had passed away. My brother (in law) had been fighting a horrific battle with pancreatic cancer. This man....this man was much more than a brother in law. This man had been my big brother, my comforter, my friend, since I was seven. He was a such a big part of every phase of my life, from childhood, through my teen years and then, when I became an adult he became an anchor, in my life and in the lives of my family. Although I know some amazing men, in my heart there has only ever been four. My Grandpa, who was a light in my life; my husband, who is my other half; my father, who is my guide; and my brother Joe, who has always been a pillar in my life.

So what does this have to do with art? Well here comes the "peace and love" aspect of my thoughts. What is art? I feel that there are some criteria by which I judge all things to consider if they are art or not. First: Does it make me feel? Does it make me feel good, scared, happy, abandoned, alone, a part of something....does it make me feel anything???? I could stop right here, because this question is the basis for many other questions. Do I value it? Do I think that the world is better, deeper, for hearing the message contained in it? So this all leads to the question that I have been pondering...can I consider our lives art?

Is there any way that WE are the medium, our actions the equivalent of brush strokes on a canvas? Do the things we do send a message, open to interpretation by the beholder of our art?

I have to tell you, I think that Joe's life was a work of art. This man was not great in the way that traditional people consider greatness. He was not abundantly successful to the point of obscene wealth. He was not a public figure. He did not surround himself with hoards of people. But this man was great. He did things that stopped you in your tracks and made you reconsider everything. He was well known for being able to drop a couple of words (an by a couple I really do mean just a couple) into a conversation to create hilarious humour - mostly through puns. Does this sounds "great"? Nope. But the way he did it was. People could have been heartbroken or depressed, or just disconnected, and with only a couple of words he could bring them in, make them smile, and most of all, reconsider where they were at. This man would drop anything for those that he loved. He would take a child skating, sledding, teach her to drive a stick shift (properly...she knew how to drive it, just not properly), he would fix her car, he would give her a place to live, he was a friend, he was an anchor. On more than one occasion, when I was sick or super pregnant and I would look outside to see him de-icing my driveway because he didn't want me to slip. Once I saw him doing this in the early morning, when it was still dark out. "Well, this guy sounds like a giver," you may say. That's the funny thing, most of the world thought he was...well, they certainly didn't think he was a giver. Most of the people in his life had no idea whatsoever how much he was taking care of everyone in his world. He did most things silently, without recognition. He would most often deny anything that he had done that would bring attention to himself, saying flat out that he would never do these things. I feel like I cannot put into words even a fraction of the amazingness that he did. When I read over what I have wrote it reads like a ingredients list of shepherd's pie - there is nothing in particular that moves me. I have to tell you though, he was an enigma, and he ALWAYS moved me.

When he and my sister had a son I saw a new and amazing side of him. It is a lovely thing to see someone you love in a different light. To see my brother, tough as nails, become a father, was incredible. He protected his son with his whole being, he loved him and invested into him with everything he had. He fell in love with my nephew. When I had a son I got to see Joe in a whole new light yet again. I realized how much he loved me when I realized how much he loved my child. I wouldn't say he loved him like his own child but I would say that he loved him in a way that is more than family - a deep connection and investment. He became and incredible god father to my three children.

Like I said, not every one fell in love with him, not every one saw his goodness, but I think that is how it is with art. I think that two people can look on the same piece and one can fall to their knees and another can keep on walking. I looked at his life, the intricate details, and I was moved. Every day I was moved. I loved knowing him in his life and it broke me to see him in his death. For six months I saw a man that I adored waste away. I saw someone strong, healthy, fit, turn to someone I didn't believe could be the body of a 42 year old man. What I didn't see, was a diminishing of spirit. The last time I got to spend alone with him I fed him. The first meal he ate in a few days and one of his last. He was stubborn, he was funny, he was independent, he let me love him, he let me help him, it broke my heart and uplifted it at the same time. To see a man who was always doing for others and not letting anyone help him, allow me to feed him, it altered my universe.

So...maybe it's a lie. Maybe my heart's wonderings are just lies. Maybe our lives are not artwork. Maybe I am just a broken person who wanted to talk about my brother. However, I have been pondering these thoughts for six months and needed to put them somewhere and where else to put your pondering of life being art than on an art blog? And really, the point is not if we can agree that life is art the point is really, isn't it worth living it in a way that when you are gone someone might consider that your life was a masterpiece?

For now, I consider it true, life is art. The lives of those I love are art. I feel like I am standing in a gallery, hung with some of the most incredible works of art that could ever be. However, for this time...I can't help but stand in front of a gaping hole on the wall. I know that the works around it are great but as people bustle past me and life is happening, I am just staring at this hole where a wonderful painting once hung. I know that in time I will be able to take a step back and enjoy the whole gallery but for now I can't. I know that I will be able to step back in time because there are other holes...there are the holes of friends who died too young, of grandparents who nurtured my soul, of my first, third and fifth children who passed on before I could hold them...holes. Big holes. Holes that I stood in front of for a long time before moving on. Holes that I still see but when I glance int their direction I also see the art that once hung there. Beautiful art. In time I will take a step back and the hole that is now consuming me will not hurt as much. Oh, it will always hurt but I won't stand here. I will walk past and remember what was once here...I will smile when I remember the beauty. But for now, for now those smiles come with so many tears.

Never to be Forgotten
2.28.71 to 10.21.13

It's a Dandy World...or is it?

It is weird how things that are common place all of a sudden become popular! For instance, the Dandelion. When I was a child I love blowing Dandelion seeds all over the place, or tickling a sibling with them. Like all weeds are to children, I thought that it was pure beauty. In time we are taught that weeds are are not beauty. It happens in a million different ways. A "bouquet" of beautiful weeds that gets put outside instead of proudly displayed, witnessing or even being asked to help your mother pull all of the wonderful weeds out from her garden of vegetables (which, by the way, are not nearly as pretty), to witnessing obsessions with getting rid of weeds off of lawns. It happens in a million different ways but the end result is the same. Most of us, by the time we are adults, believe that weeds are nothing but a pain in the butt.

When I was a child I was dead set on loving weeds. I would not pull them, I would "transplant" them to a place where they were allowed to live. I would pick them, bugs and all, and proudly display vases all over our house (until they were found and thrown out). I really did love them. I REALLY loved the Dandelion full of seeds, but oddly enough, my mother didn't like it in her house. However, as a parent, I don't love vacuuming up seeds that have been used to tickle a sibling or blown all over the house and through time....I have become a weed hater :( It has turned out that my mother the world has passed her its dismay to me. I noticed this one day when I drove up to my house and saw all the dandelions and wondered if I should "weed and feed" my lawn while my son mentioned out loud that he thought we had a beautiful lawn, if we could just get rid of the grass and somehow grow more dandelions. Its a funny little world we live in where perspectives can change on a dime.

Back to my original point though - all of a sudden, Dandelions ready to seed are EVERYWHERE. They are used to get the message of sayings across....

They are used to adorn walls....

In all, they are celebrated....

In fact, Dandelions are everywhere these days, it almost makes me not like them for the simple reason that they are too popular! That was, until I cam across this photo, the first one that I posted on this entry...

I talked a while ago about how I have been challenged as to what this blog is supposed to inspire me to feel when I talked about a kids movie that inspires me to cry. Although the dandelion is over used this picture inspires me to feel exactly how I feel. Like I'm drowning, like something that is not supposed to happen is happening and I'm falling apart and that I am helpless but in the midst of it, there is beauty. 

....I had written some other stuff here but I am going to erase it because it got super real, super fast. I am going to leave it at that I guess.

Beauty as Care

This post will not have any pictures...which is weird because it is all about pictures and pieces of art. I have been interested lately in the art that hangs in places where emotions are high. Most of my last few weeks have been spent in the Hospice House here in Prince George and in the Paediatrics wing of the hospital. There are two things that these places have in common. First they are places that you never want to be, and second, they have a lot of art. I am more partial to the art that is in the Peads wing but that is just a preference. The art there is bright and happy and is a wonderful encouragement when you are going through a hard time as a child or extremely concerned about your own child, as a parent or family member. There is pictures of cartoons, wonderful and happy forrest pictures, paintings of local scenery such as children playing at Ft. George Park. The Hospice House also has a lot of art. There are calming pictures of beautiful (but muted) forests, carvings that show local talents and more angels of every style of art than I have ever seen in one place. The majority of these pieces in both places have been donated by different individuals and companies in the community. There are many of them that have been donated in memory of loved ones.

It has been interesting to me to think about the way we show people that we care about them and have sympathy for their circumstances. Most of the time, we give art. Whether it is a beautiful card or a painting, or a park bench with a carving on it, they are all forms of beauty that we give as care. It must be that our own human nature tells us that when we were in those circumstances we would have really loved to see a little more beauty, something that reassures us that all is right with the world.

I have to say, of all of the art that I have taken note of in the past month, I can pick my favourite without hesitation. There was a really big painting in the Paeds wing that portrayed four popular TV kids shows like "Toopy and Beeno" and "The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That" (I can't remember what the other two were). What I found interesting is that this painting was donated in memory of a child that died very young. I love that this family thought about what other children going through medical turmoil would like to see, and found or made art that catered to those needs. I am a religious person and find a lot of comfort in my faith in God but I have to say, walking around a room with someone who is terminal and is in there last days, seeing an angel on every surface is not really comforting.

So now I start the debate: how will I grieve, what kind of art will help me down this path when I lose one of my most loved people? Perhaps a quilt, as I have already expressed is my form of choice. However, what I think this particular space needs is a huge painting of a beautiful sunset or a gorgeous view of sun coming through trees in a forrest made of strong trees, or maybe a fall scene. I'm not sure if I can create one of these things but I am quite sure that if I were to ever spend more time in a place like this I would like to look on art that makes me smile, the same way that cartoon painting does for my child.

Bully Bully!

There are many ways to promote different ideas to students; lessons, teachable moments, cultural performances, among many others. There are some lessons, however, that you want to cross through all lessons and all teachable moments, and all experiences in school. These social / emotional lessons and values need to be a part of everything we do in school.

Today I was in my practicum class and there was a cultural performance by the Story Theatre Company out of Victoria. This group is excellent, but what makes it even better, is that this group promotes the same social / emotional encouragements as we do in the school, the W.I.T.S program. For those not familiar with this program, it's like many out there, WITS stands for the suggested game play when you encounter bullying. First you walk away, then you try to ignore the situation, you try to talk it out and then in the end if nothing else is working, you seek help.

The group was very well presented and had a funny script, it was definitely worth it. I like that we can use arts to present ideas and curriculum to students. It inspired a conversation this evening about cultural events and different ones that we have seen. While it is nice to have the students entertained, it is hard to gauge what they are getting out of the event. Today, for instance, the actors were so funny and entertaining, the kids were laughing hysterically. However, there were times that they were laughing so hard that they missed the point and kept on laughing when the actors were getting bullied by others. So the question is this, can they still get the message when they are too busy being entertained to really listen? What is better, a good message or a good delivery?

For now I'll just say, it was a great show. The only downside is that I have a "Bully Bully" stuck in my head (a catchy tune set to "Louie, Louie")!   :)

"Spirit"

Sometimes I approach this blog with one basic question in mind: "What inspires me?" Well, sometimes this question is just too vague and to be truthful, I can't think of a single answer. I think that I need to ask the question, "inspires me to WHAT?" What do I want to be inspired to do? Often I think, what inspires me to smile? What inspires me to feel good? What inspires me to want to do better in life? The problem is, this isn't realistic! I am not going to just feel good things and sometimes, these warm and fuzzy feelings aren't what is appropriate to feel. So my question today is, "What inspires me to cry, to feel torn?" Why would I want to feel these things? You see, I am a big believer in being strong when strength is needed. I'm a big fan of never wavering when things are falling apart. Now, this doesn't always happen but when there is an opportunity to break down, I usually am the strongest. I think that is how it is with a lot of people, you do what you have to do to get by. The problem is that you store up all sorts of sadness that really needs to get out. So, I have a "go to" thing that I can do when I need to cry, to let emotion flow. It may be completely different than most people though, it is a kids animated movie. The movie "Spirit" gets me every time. I don't just get a little sad during this movie, it wrecks me. If you have never seen this movie (or maybe even if you have) this may sound strange. I first saw the movie during a time in my life when one of the people that I love the most was given only weeks to live because of a diagnosis of breast cancer. Every night for a long time I watched this movie and cried, but during the day I was a rock. I am so happy that the doctors were wrong that time and my mother is now 10 years cancer free. I'm not sure if it is these background circumstances that make this movie so emotional, or if it is just that I find the story incredibly heartbreaking, but when I think of what inspires me to cry, this is it.

So what do you think? Is inspired to cry a definition of a work of art that inspires? Can a DreamWorks movie for kids be considered a work of art? I feel that in art there is two distinct roles: the creator and the interpreter. There is a (good) chance that this movie was created to be entertainment for children. I think that along the way there were people in the creation process that wanted to portray raw emotion and heartbreak but that may have not been the vision of everyone involved. I also think that there are other interpreters (movie watchers) who will see this as nothing more than a cartoon. To me, this movie is amazing because of the emotion it can evoke.

If you ever need a good cry, give it a shot. And if you need a good cry in the next couple of days, feel free to join me, because once again I feel myself in need of a good "Spirit" night. Just kidding. I would never watch this movie with someone, it is not the type of crying you do in a crowd!

Letters to Amuse

Yesterday I had the opportunity to experience a different kind of art than I usually do!

I think that I have only been to one other play put on by Theatre North West here in Prince George but when the opportunity presented itself to spend a season going to plays with some of my favourite people I was excited for it. Yesterday we went to the season opener play, "Letter From Wingfield Farm". I have tell you, this one many show was amazing.

Not only did I find Rod Beattie and his acting amazing, it brought back so many memories of funny anecdotes from farm life and small town living. Funny enough, it also brought back memories of this exact play. It wasn't until a particularly funny line in the first act that I realized that I knew this play. It had been televised when I was a teenager and I remember watching it with my father and laughing and enjoying it. I thought that the actors where strikingly similar but when I got home I googled it and found out that not only were they similar, they were the same man! I also found out fun information (that is so readily available on the wonderful internet), like the fact that Rod Beattie was recognized in 2010 for having been in various plays from this series over 4000 times!! And I thought that it was a crazy coincidence to see it twice!

I would say that any person would only throw their life into a play the way that this man has if he truely loves it, and it is obvious from the phenomenal acting that he indeed does. So I say well done, Theatre North West, well done Rod Beattie! I am excited to see what TNW will have to come in the next three plays of the season.

Mache Much?

Last year I was inspired by my little brother to create a fun project for my children to enjoy! I have four brothers and not one of them has ever wanted to do anything artistic. I love hands on projects and they REALLY did not want to take part in them. So, I was pretty excited by the effort that he wanted to put into the birthday party for his son who was turning four. He wanted to make and decorate a cake (with me! I finally got to do a hands on project with a brother!) but also wanted to do a treasure hunt for the kids. He had an idea that he wanted to do dinosaur eggs so we came up with the idea that he would make miniature pinatas and make them look like dinosaur eggs. So, like a big sister, I told him how to do it...and then made him do it by himself! And he did amazing at it and the kids LOVED it so much. Here is a photo of them with their smashed pinatas enjoying a bunch of candy!

So of course, my kids wanted pinatas as the "grab bags" at their birthday! This projects was super time consuming but SO fun! Like my brothers, I have a husband that although wonderful, does not like to do art projects with me (shocker). However, this was a project that he could get into. I'm not sure if it is because he was more confident or if it was because the finished product was for our children, but my husband was completely excited willing to help out! I loved being able to do a project with him! So here are Nikles's Pokemon "grab bags".....

And here are Owen's Angry Bird's "grab bags".....

So now birthdays are approaching and they want (guess...) more pinata grab bags! I think that this year I am going to do them all at once...yup - I think I will make 45 mini pinatas over the Christmas break (I need some extras just in case). I wonder what is in store this year. Considering one set will be for my little girl I think maybe some Hello Kitty ones...maybe Dora ones? 

The project, though time consuming, is so fun. It inspires me to see where else I can use Paper Mache in the classroom with my students. Paper mache solar systems? Paper mache...self portraits?